ELEVEN WARS

The United States also continue in 2005 their successful global war against terrorism as a result of the 3,028 deaths on September 11 2001. That's why I suggest eleven new wars.

- War against the employers
5,477 people in the US in 2001 died because of industrial accidents (the victims of 911 not included).

- War against bad taste
14,078 Americans died unintentionally that same year by poison.

- War against the car manufacturers
Their products killed 42,443 Americans on the road in 2001, which among 2,456 children under the age of 14.

- War against the suicide
30,622 Americans decided to end their lives in 2001, among which 4,250 between the age of 5 and 24.

- War against the trigger-happy police
The cops shot dead 396 Americans, 380 men and 16 women, in 2001. 70 police officers were killed in the line of duty.

- War against the heterosexual marriage
1,034 American women were killed by their husband or boyfriend in 2001. 295 men by their wife or girlfriend.
77,597 divorces were granted that same year.

- War against the free salmonella with purchase of chicken or a box of eggs
For 41 Americans that was the last thing they ate in 2001

- War against the drug war
The Taliban managed to reduce the harvest of raw opium from 3,276 ton in 2000 to 185 ton through a successful war against the opium trade in 2001. After the war in 2002 the Americans brought it back till 3,422 ton that same year so they could continue their own war against drugs at home.

- War against shaking
By the accidental shooting of firearms 802 Americans died as a result, among which 71 children between the age of 1 and 14

- War against the machines
Machines were the cause for 648 dead Americans in 2001

- War against people in swimming outfits in supermarkets
Should finally be placed on the agenda of the United Nations

Sources: National Center for Health Statistics, FBI and the UN

© 2004 Dennis Rodie

The Dutch version appeared in Kleintje Muurkrant nr. 398, December 17, 2004